theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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