I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
