i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
