If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
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