drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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