he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
