The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
