wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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