Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
