just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
