i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
He kissed a someone with a penis
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
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is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
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I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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