I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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