doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize