Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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