Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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