Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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