He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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