I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
