I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
