I CAN MOONWALK!
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
