just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
