Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm passing your future prison.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
