i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
