Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
