He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
