You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
