If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
