my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize