i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
