I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
