I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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