So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
