My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
