The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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