can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
