my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
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She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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