I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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