I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
we should paint friendship bongs
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