I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
