In the future we'll all be gay
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
