It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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