He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
