that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
