pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
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But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
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Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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