His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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