We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
