I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
