so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
