is your mom at the bar?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize