i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
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Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
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Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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