I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I need a beard to bite.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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