I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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