Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
