You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
