What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
This is the high leading the old right now
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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