He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
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It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
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She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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