I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
