I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
