UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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