i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
