did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
