I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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