this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
there was a trapeze. enough said
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Randomize
