WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You've changed since you got that strap on
That's how pantless uber rides happen
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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