I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
it's great music for shaving your balls
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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