Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
